A blog where women are inspired and encouraged to grow in their relationship with Christ.

Monday, January 14, 2013

What Your Man Really Needs



Last week in Walmart, I was drawn to the laughter of three women in the shampoo aisle. I found my{nosy}self inching closer to hear what caused such a fun sounding outburst.  What I heard made me angry and made me sad.  These women were having a blast taking turns making fun of their husbands.  Not in a "He's so cute when his hair stands on end in the morning." kind of way... But a cutting, "He's so stupid." kind of way.   

Let's face it. Most of us are highly skilled magnifiers.  We're great at applauding and magnifying the smallest  accomplishments of our children. They color inside the lines for the first time and we frame the picture!  

We're equally great at complaining about and magnifying those irritating habits of our husbands.  You know what I'm talking about... Those things that, when said out loud sound so trivial, but when dealt with day after day, seem HUGE.

  • He always leaves his socks on the floor by his chair in the family room. 
  • His clothes never quite make it past a pile on the floor, or flung across the end of the bed.
  • He doesn't replace the empty toilet paper roll.  {Really, what's with that?!}
  • He gets too near the washing machine and washes his red shirt with the whites.  {This may or may not have just happened in my house!}




I've found that the best way to alleviate that 
angry knot in your stomach is to find 
something else to magnify...
 
His good qualities need to be magnified.
 He needs to be admired.

This is what I suggest to women I counsel {and to myself!}...

Every day find something to admire about 
your man, and tell him

He needs to hear it.  He goes to work each day, rarely, 
if ever hearing a 'well done'. He needs to be built up.

He needs your sincere admiration... 
Yes, he can sense when it's not sincere. 

It needs to be concrete.  
Saying "Honey, you're a great guy." is nice, but won't be remembered for long.  "Babe, when you change the baby's diapers, it makes me want to... "  This is where you can get creative!  Trust me, he'll change those diapers with even more frequency!
 
Sometimes it needs to be in public.
If (say, in church) you walk up to your guy while he's talking to a group of men, you might try saying something like this...  "Hi Handsome." And just walk on.  Trust me, the other men will wonder what he's got that they don't...  I'm just sayin'.

He needs you to admire his body.
Let's face it, not every husband has a perfectly cut body.  But he loves and needs you to appreciate and compliment his 'manly physique'.  His tummy may not be the six-pack he had when you first got married, but oh those shoulders, or hands, or muscles, or... please use your imagination!  If you squeeze his biceps and tell him you love his strength... Trust me, he'll flex for you!

He needs a heavy dose of provision appreciation.
You've probably noticed that when women initially meet, they usually end up talking about their children, husbands, or friends.  {Love those conversations!}  When men meet, they invariably talk about 'what they do' (for a living).  A man's identity is largely wrapped up in how he provides for his family. 

He needs to hear {OFTEN} how much you appreciate
 his desire to meet the family's needs.

It's amazing how, when we begin to magnify our man's
 admirable qualities, our irritation diminishes.  
We begin to see our husbands through the 
eyes of our Maker... it's a very good thing.  
We are blessed.
Our men are blessed.
God is blessed.

Finally, brothers and sisters, whatever is true, whatever is noble,
whatever is right, whatever is pure, whatever is lovely,
whatever is admirable--if anything is excellent or 
praiseworthy--think about such things.
Philippians 4:8
 
I'd love to hear what you admire about your man!!
Leave a comment!

Living in His grace, 
Mary



Picture 1, 2

48 comments:

  1. Hi Mary, this is splendid advice! I need to compliment my husband every day cause he is really wonderful and a great gift to me! Patsy

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    1. Patsy, God's so good to tell us to ADMIRE! He's given you this great man... have fun admiring him!
      I'm glad you made it by today!
      Blessings to you ~ Mary

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  2. This is a great post Mary; our husbands need encouragement...from us the most! By letting them know we notice and appreciate that what they do really matters, brings joy to our own lives, and fills our hearts with more love for him!

    Blessings and joy for a wonderful week,
    Denise

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    1. Denise, you're so right. Our husbands need to hear words of admiration and encouragement from us... every day. Focusing on those things we admire increases our love for them.
      God bless you ~ Mary

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  3. I love my husbands sense of humor ... laughing together is great.

    This is a good image ... what do I want to magnify?


    Fondly,
    Glenda

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    1. Glenda, I love to hear that your husband has a great sense of humor! It makes traveling through life together so rich. You are a blessed woman!
      Thank you for coming by and taking the time to comment!
      Blessings to you ~ Mary

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  4. Hi Mary
    Yes, I agree and we need to ask for grace to truly admire our men!! I don't think they want phony compliments!
    Blessings
    Mia

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    1. Mia, we do need to ask God's grace to admire our men! Sometimes, in the midst of feeling irritated, we need a huge shower of God's grace to help us to sincerely magnify the goodness in our men. Oh, how our men {we, and the Lord!} are blessed when we admire them!
      Blessings to you ~ Mary

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  5. Great advice, pinning it! I can't wait to try the "Hi, Handsome."

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    1. Thanks Margo! You'll have so much for with the "Hi, Handsome"! It always brings a {smug} smile to my husbands face when I do it. Have fun!
      Blessings to you ~ Mary

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  6. Hopping from Titus 2sday... I fail to magnify my husband as I should. The Lord has shown me in the last week that I do not respect him as His word commands. (Ephesians 5:33)
    I love him dearly and I appreciate him so much. But I do not prove my feelings enough. God placed this thought in my mind last week, "am I the wife that I would want to come home to?" Ouch, that really hurt. I appreciate this post. It pushes me in the right direction. A little word or gesture can make or break!

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    1. Oh Piper, I'm so thankful for your ear to hear the Lord. It's so easy to get caught up in the day-to-day 'duties', that we lose sight of what our men might need. Sometimes it's the smallest gesture or word that makes a man stand taller with a smile on his face.
      Blessings and grace to you in living out Ephesians 5:33 ~ Mary

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  7. Oh Mary! Thank you for writing this! Hearing women bash their husbands makes me so sad and angry. I admit, I used to be one of those people. But fortunately the Lord has shown that aspect of myself and is helping me every day to appreciate my man and to show him that love and respect. In fact, I have a dusty ol' draft of a blog post tucked away somewhere. You may have inspired me to pull it out, clean it up, and finally hit publish! :0)

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    1. Beckey, I'm thrilled that you've joined the ranks of the reformed husband-bashers! It's such an easy pit to dive into. I definitely think you should dig out that 'dusty ol' draft', be brave, and hit publish! I can't wait to read it!
      Blessings to you as you admire your man ~ Mary

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  8. This is a great post. I am so thrilled with my husband. He is so good to me and a wonderful father. We do love to joke together and I know that sometimes the jokes can go too far and I will get digs in on him in a joking way. I, really when it comes down to it, don't care that he leaves clothes 5 inches from the hamper so I need to remind myself not to even really joke about such things in case he feels torn down. I want to build him up and make him feel good about himself.

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  9. Cara, I know what you mean. It's so easy for those jokes to slide into cutting jabs- made with a smile. It sounds like you've got a great guy... go forth and admire!
    Blessings to you ~ Mary

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  10. One thing my momma taught me was to never say anything unkind about my husband. I, in turn, have given the same advice to my daughters. It makes a big difference in how I feel, too, because if I run him down during the day then I'm not positive about him at night. I hope God uses your writing to make a difference.

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    1. Pamela, your momma was one wise woman! {And so are you!!} I'm thankful that you've given your daughters the legacy of admiration and respect...their husbands will be so blessed! I always appreciate your comments... I'm really glad you came by!
      Blessings to you ~ Mary

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  11. What a great post - a great reminder!
    My Man never ceases to amaze me. Seriously!

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    1. Thanks Lori! I love to hear you have an ever-amazing man!! Go forth and admire!
      I'm glad you made it by!
      Blessings to you ~ Mary

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  12. Hey, Mary! I'm right there with the other women. . .this is a great post! And, I wholeheartedly agree.

    There are SO many wonderful things I ADORE about my husband. . .where to begin!? :)
    I am thankful for his love for God, I admire his work ethic, I love to hear his laugh and I love the way his beard looks! Just a woman in love with her man.

    Take care and God bless,
    -Stacie

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    1. Stacie, I LOVE that you ADORE your husband! He sounds like a wonderful man... I'm sure your list could go on and on! {He sounds a lot like my guy!} Thanks so much for coming by and sharing. Have fun admiring your man!
      Blessings to you ~ Mary

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  13. What a great post, Mary! My husband, Joe, is one of the most honest human beings I know. Never exaggerates. Never lies. He speaks truth always. I can totally count on it.

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    1. Diane, your Joe sounds like a man of great integrity... Someone to truly rely on.
      What a treasure!
      Thank you for taking time to share!
      Blessings to you ~ Mary

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  14. Mary, this is an excellent excellent post!! We could all use the encouragement to do a little or whole lot better in these areas!! I am going to email my husband and thank him for all the overtime he does to help meet our needs. My husband has allowed me to quit my job. Our combined salary was cut in half!! I am so blessed, because...that was over 25 years ago!!!!

    Thanks for sharing this over at WholeHearted Home this week.

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    1. Thanks Judith! You've got quite a guy there! It sounds as though you've both made some {valuable} sacrifices... We did the same thing. It wasn't always easy, but so worth it! I love that you're going to email your man... I'm sure he'll appreciate being appreciated!
      Thanks so much for hosting the linkup. You do a great job!
      Blessings to you ~ Mary

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  15. Hi Mary, I am popping over from Serving Joyfully link up. I love this post, I have often struggled when in a group of women who are not building up their husbands,I actually lose respect for women who tear down their husbands. This is a great reminder. Tara.

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    1. Tara, it's hard to hear ladies tearing down their husbands... And then I stop and remember the times in years past, that I've done the same thing... Not with other ladies, but to my husband and in my heart. I'm so thankful for God's grace and forgiveness.
      I'm thrilled that you popped over today! Thank you for taking the time to leave a comment!
      Blessings to you ~ Mary

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  16. Mary,
    Thanks for the timely reminder. I know I love to hear affirming words, so I should be equally enthusiastic about saying them to my dear hubby. And being intentional eventually cultivates the good habit of generous praise. Blessings from Hungry for God today :)

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    1. Lori, lavishing our husbands with SINCERE praise and admiration certainly blesses them {and us}! I'm so glad you made it over today!
      Blessings to you ~ Mary

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  17. Amen, my sister! I so agree, our husbands need high doses of our appreciation, not our criticism. This is one thing that grieves my heart so, when wives do not stand beside their husband and support them...especially when they are weak. May God raise of up woman, like yourself, who teach other woman what it means, to love, cherish, respect, and honor those God put us as help-mates for. Have a great day! ~ jen

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    1. Jen, you're so right. We must find ways to encourage, respect, and appreciate our husbands... And then help each other, as women, to bless God by respecting and honoring our men. Thanks for the encouragement!
      Blessings to you ~ Mary

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  18. I am so thankful for this. I can't wait to share it with friends and family. I have had women stop talking to me because I would not let them bash their husbands to me. When walking into Church it was terrible I would hid to avoid hearing the slander cast. This is truly a blessing!!! Glory to God

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    1. Doreen, I commend you for not entering into those husband-bashing conversations. I'm sure those ladies would be heartbroken if they heard their husbands bashing them. By God's grace, we need to respect, admire, and encourage our men.
      I'm so glad you came by today! Thanks for following and taking time to leave a comment!
      Blessings to you ~ Mary

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  19. Hey Mary, visiting you from "I Wouldn't Trade Nothing for my Journey Now" I love your post on this topic of building up our husbands. You have some great tips here....following you through GFC. I really admire my husbands perseverance to provide for us. He works hard, on very little sleep and rarely complains about it.

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    1. Regina, it sounds as though your man is a treasure. I appreciate that he works so hard, without grumbling, to provide for you... a very special man, indeed!
      I'm so glad you came to visit!
      Blessings to you ~ Mary

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  20. Beautiful article! Thank you for reminding us to build up our husband and be wives who are full of praise. How opposite of what the world says we should be.

    Carly from Missionalwomen.com

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    1. Carly, you're so right! God has called us to be DIFFERENT from the world. When we respect, praise, and build up our men, we, as women, are so blessed... and our men stand taller with smiles on their faces!
      Thanks for coming by today!
      Blessings to you ~ Mary

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  21. Great Post! I learned this early on in marriage when I began to discover he was not going to think about replacing the toilet paper or pick up his clothes. My husband has SO many wonderful qualities...lives for the Lord, sweet and kind and helpful always, never complains, loves me unconditionally...the list could go on and on. I thankfully realized what a blessing that is and it doesn't really matter for me to replace the TP. And bending over to get his clothes is exercise...a good thing for me:) (We've been married for 31 years and still picking up the socks and loving him ever more!
    Kristin
    (visiting from a blog-hop)

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    1. Kristin, I LOVE your attitude! {Bending over to get his clothes is exercise... Fabulous!} It sounds as though you have one amazing man!
      I'm so glad you came by... Your comment made me smile!
      God bless you and your sweetheart! ~ Mary

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    1. Thanks Marty!:) I'm glad you came by!

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  23. Love this! I, too, am saddened to hear women bashing their husbands. It's really sad that so many times we use this as a "bonding" exercise, when really we need to be finding something positive to bond over and not treating our husbands like a common enemy. Thanks for the great list of ways to build them up! And thanks for sharing at Thriving Thursday! I'm adding this post to the pinterest board: http://pinterest.com/ServingJoyfully/thriving-thursdays/

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    1. Crystal. you make such a good point~ to not treat our husbands like the enemy. Our men need to be built up not torn apart. I so appreciate your blog and linkup. You do a great job!!
      Blessings to you ~ Mary

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  24. I love this post! It made me think, laugh and appreciate my man. I am so thankful for my husband. I do need to vocalize it more to him! Thank you and I pray more wives uplift their men; even me. He is worth it! God bless.

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    1. Thanks so much! I'm with you... My hope is that we wives {myself included!} will learn to look for the good in our men and then tell them. I'm very glad you came by today!
      Blessings to you ~ Mary {I enjoy your photography!}

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  25. Things in life have made me so aware of how short our time is here on earth. Why would I want to fill our marriage up with negative, when positive gives it such a refreshing, joyous, bubbling over love! I have found when I praise him, it brings back the youthfulness of our love. An old saying came to my mind when reading your post. "The things that annoy us the most about someone, are the things we will miss the most when they are gone." God has taught me what battles aren't worth fighting. Thanks for your words!

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    1. Deby, I love your attitude! {And I'm sure your guy does too!} It's so easy to grumble, complain and fight... I'm glad that God has taught you 'what battles aren't worth fighting', and that praising your man brings amazing benefits!
      Thanks for stopping by today!
      Blessings to you ~ Mary

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Your comments mean so much to me. I love reading each and every one! Thanks so much!