A blog where women are inspired and encouraged to grow in their relationship with Christ.

Monday, May 27, 2013

I Was A Guilty Mom



www.marywomantowoman.blogspot.com
When our children were young, I honestly think I spent half my time feeling guilty about something.  If they were sick, I was sure it was my fault.  If they misbehaved, it was my fault.  Was I disciplining them correctly or was I ruining them?  If I finally ran out of patience and yelled at them, would they be forever damaged?  I pretty much felt a constant weight of “I’m probably doing this all wrong”.   

The weight of condemnation.

*satan's job description is the “accuser of the brethren”. {Revelation 12:10}  He accuses us of, well… just about anything we allow him to whisper in our ear.  And as moms, we seem to be prime real estate for his accusations…

You're failing as a mom.
You’re ruining your children.
I can’t believe you did that.
You’ll never be any different.
I can't believe your husband puts up with you.
I can’t believe you said that to your daughter.
I can’t believe you yelled at your son like that.
You’ll never be any better than you are… a loser.

satan is the father of lies and is expert at weaving 
a good story of shame and hopelessness.

“...He was a murderer from the beginning, not holding to the truth, for there is no truth in him.  When he lies, he speaks his native language, for he is a liar and the father of lies."
John 8:44 NLT

satan condemns.  And it’s awful.
Condemnation is like a heavy black weight
that sits on our shoulders and in our hearts.

It focuses on the sin.
It says you’re alone in this mess.
It says you don’t deserve forgiveness.
It says your sin’s too big and dirty to be forgiven.
It causes you to hide yourself from God in fear and shame.
It says God is an angry judge just waiting for you to mess up.
It says you’ll never change and you’re not worthy of God’s love.
It causes you to focus so much on yourself that you lose sight of God. 

To those who have been redeemed by the 
precious blood of Jesus, condemnation is an impossible lie. 
satan condemns.  God's grace convicts.
I'm so thankful that somewhere along the way,
 our Abba Father (and my sweet husband)
helped me realize this life-altering truth!
   
www.marywomantowoman.blogspot.com
    Because we are in Christ Jesus, 
we. are. different!

"There is no condemnation to them,
 which are in Christ Jesus, who walk 
not after the flesh, but after the Spirit."
Romans 8:1
 
Conviction reveals our sin. It brings Godly sorrow and leads us to repentance.

"Godly sorrow brings repentance that leads 
to  salvation and leaves no regret, 
but worldly sorrow brings death."
2 Corinthians 7:10 NLT
              
Conviction always shows us the problem.... and the solution.

Conviction reminds us that we are loved, even when we mess up. 
 
Conviction is life-giving!

Conviction stings.  But it also soothes. 

Conviction always points us to God, His forgiveness, His discipline, and His love.

"If we confess our sins, He is 
faithful and just to forgive us our sins, 
and to cleanse us from all unrighteousness."
1 John 1:9 



Yes, as moms, we mess up... sometimes badly.  When we confess our sin with sincere sorrow, we receive His beautiful, redeeming forgiveness.  Do we bear the consequences of our actions and words?  You bet we do.  
But in Christ Jesus, the consequence is never condemnation!
We don't have to allow satan to bind us up
in a prison of shame, despair and guilt.  
The door has been thrown open.
We've been set free!
Hallelujah!

"The Lord sets prisoners free..."
Psalm 146:7 
*I don't believe satan deserves a capital s!

   Have you ever felt the weight and guilt of condemnation?
Do you find it easy or hard to tell the difference between condemnation and conviction?
I'd love to hear your thoughts!
Leave a comment!

 Living in His grace,
  Mary  
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35 comments:

  1. oh this could have been written to me. I have spent the past eight and a half months of my daughter's life feeling guilty over something. even for things completely out of my control...thank you for snapping me out of this.

    <3 visiting from the Sisterhood.

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    1. Rachel, Isn't it amazing how we moms can absorb guilt like a dry sponge?! We allow satan to convince us that we're totally messing up, and then give in to worry, doubt, and condemnation. I'm so glad this 'snapped' you out of it!
      Blessing to you, Mama ~ Mary

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    2. the guilt is EVERYWHERE! it's maddening, and it can completely consume our lives if we aren't careful! Praise God that He is bigger than any shred of guilt I could ever concoct.

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  2. Yesterday I read your blog, after I translated it in Dutch. It touched me very deeply. I want to tell you: Continue writing. Especially on these issues because there are many women in need. And they are not always talking about it with others.

    I read a book by Barbara Johnson "stick a geranium in your hat." Do you know that book too? She writes that debt is a gift that keeps giving. In the negative sense, of course :-) I read that book because I also struggle again this weekend with things and memories that bring me pain and guilt. Since my son derailed, dealing drugs and admitted to a psychiatric institution, juvenile prison, I often struggled with the guilt ( debt question). Until I put everything in God's hands. Life is too short to be paralyzed by guilt. We may walk with Him, over mountains and through deep valleys. He is always with us.

    Thank you for this blog. You are a blessing.

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    1. Thank you so much for sharing this. I'm sorry for the struggles of your son... such a very hard thing to go through. I'm thankful that you've ditched the debt and are walking with Him in freedom over and through whatever He allows in your life. He is surely faithful.
      I'm so glad you're here and... I appreciate your encouraging words!
      Blessings and love ~ Mary

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  3. Dear Mary
    I used to be my worst enemy ever as far as these things are concerned. I actually believed that it is other people in authority position above me, right to abuse me. But our Pappa is so wonderful in setting captives free! It takes a while for Jesus to free us from that lies that has been ingrained into our minds through the years, but we do get there!!
    Blessings to you
    Mia

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    1. Oh Mia, He's so wonderful to open the door wide and set us free from condemnation. And you're right; sometimes it takes years for those deeply engrained lies to be replaced by Truth. But our Pappa never gives up on us and never walks away in disgust or frustration... For that I am eternally grateful.
      I hope you're feeling well today and enjoying His loving presence.
      Much love ~ Mary

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  4. There is no condemnation for those who are in Christ Jesus. I need that reminder...I think we all do, sometimes...as women. Thanks for sharing His Truth and illuminating our path to the true freedom found in Him!

    UNITED sister-in-Christ,
    Jen

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    1. Jen, I think you're right. It seems that we women absorb guilt like a dry sponge. I know I often need to be reminded that yes, I may have blown it, but in Christ, there is no condemnation...
      I appreciate you!
      Blessings ~ Mary

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  5. I really like this. I know its good for us to recognize our sin and confess but it is never good for us to suffer endlessly over forgiven sin!

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    1. Helene, you're so right. Forgiven sin is forgotten sin in the eyes of our Abba Father. The challenge is to believe and receive His cleansing grace.
      I'm glad you came by!
      Blessings to you ~ Mary

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    1. Thank you, Val. It's so good to have you here today!
      Blessings to you ~ Mary

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  7. HI Mary, Great post, Conviction is life-giving. Such a truth here. Sometimes we have to just stop and assess the thoughts we have to identify whether they are lies or the truth. Great reminder
    God bless
    Tracy
    ps: I am adding this post to my list of favourites on my blog. A great place to find my faves easily and for others too.

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    1. Tracy, conviction is life-giving and condemnation requires a thoughts assessment, or it robs us of life.
      Thanks so much for posting this to your favorites list... I appreciate it!
      Thanks so much for so graciously hosting the linkup!
      Blessings to you ~ Mary

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  8. Love, love love this post!

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    1. Hi Ren! Thanks so much!
      It's good to hear from you!
      Blessings to you, my friend ~ Mary

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  9. Mary, this must be something we mamas need to hear over and over again. I say this because I posted something similar recently (The Superwoman Myth) and because I've seen the same message, albeit different wording, on several other blogs as well in the last week or so. I admit, I've struggled with the "guilty mom" burden. It took a set of twins to show me that whatever control I thought I had was just an illusion. :) I'm still a work in progress today, but I love that God has taught me to relax a little in my parenting. It's much easier to enjoy these precious years when I'm not worrying so much. Thanks for another good reminder!

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    1. Hi Jen! I honestly think at some point most moms struggle with condemnation vs. conviction. I love to hear that several blogs have shared similar messages... The Holy Spirit does such wonderful things!
      I'm so glad you came... really appreciated your comment!
      Blessings to you ~ Mary

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  10. This was just what I needed now. Sometimes I feel I do not deserve to be a mom to a beautiful; yet active daughter. I loose all my patience and feel like just giving up and then all the guilt follows. Thanks so much. I now know I'm not alone

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    1. Gene, you're certainly not alone. We all mess up. The awesome thing is, God is so much greater than our mistakes... Yes, there are consequences, but He's our Redeemer. I'm so thankful that as we confess, embrace, and receive His forgiveness, we ARE forgiven. satan wants to keep us feeling alone and condemned. But, because of Jesus, that's not our rightful place!
      Blessings to you ~ Mary

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  11. Loved that conviction always shows us the problem and the solution! I have felt the weight of condemnation too and am so glad that I can identify that now as coming from the enemy and can ignore it. Conviction comes from God's great love for us and is designed to make us more like Jesus. That's something I can welcome and learn from!

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    1. Holly, condemnation is so ugly and deceptive. I'm glad that, with God's help, you're identifying the enemy, and embracing His life-changing love.
      Thanks so much for coming by. I really appreciate your comment!
      Blessings to you ~ Mary

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  12. So much about this that I love .... and your asterick about satan. No capital S? Loved that.

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    1. Thanks Jennifer. The thought of capitalizing both the powerful name of Jesus and the murdering satan? I don't think so! :)
      Thanks so much for your beautiful blog and the linkup!
      Blessing to you ~ Mary

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  13. What a great post! Thank you for the great reminder that "Conviction reminds us that we are loved, even when we mess up and that "Conviction is life-giving!"

    I am stopping by from Faith Filled Friday link up!

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    1. Yes Delora, conviction is life-giving and condemnation suck the life right out of us!
      I'm so glad you came by! I'll be over!
      Blessings to you ~ Mary

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  14. So well expressed and I am sure you are sharing how many women feel. I would lay in bed at the end of the day going over my failures. I'm with you Mary. I am so glad that God looks at me differently than I do!!

    Thanks for sharing this over at WholeHearted Home this week.

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    1. Judith, isn't it amazing how we not only absorb guilt, but hold onto it with tight fists?! I'm so thankful that the Holy Spirit convicts us of our sin, and then as we confess with a sincere, repentant heart, we are forgiven and set free!
      I'm glad you came by! Thanks so much for hosting WHH!
      Blessings and love ~ Mary

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  15. It is freedom when we realize how the enemy finds any little insecurity and tries to make it a big thing! Our only recourse is to go to the Father of truth! Blessings to you! Patsy

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    1. Amen, Patsy! Rejecting the father of lies for the Father of all Truth brings eternal freedom from condemnation!
      I'm so glad you came by!
      Blessings to you ~ Mary

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  16. I thought conviction & condemnation where 2 fancy words for the same thing: guilt. I like what you say that "Conviction reminds us that we are loved, even when we mess up."
    I have felt all the guilts that you write about. The recent one was a few weeks ago. My lil one's nursery sent out a reminder for sunscreen application as we get into summer. I put the sensitive version on her & by the following evening her skin had broken out. Of course, the husband had something to say. Even if it wasn't condemnation, I heard it as such.
    Lord help us! :)

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    1. Una, we're so good at absorbing condemnation when the Lord would want to convict us, urge us to repent, have us embrace His forgiveness, and move forward with renewed freedom. As moms we make so many mistakes and God is so good to heal and restore.
      Blessings to you ~ Mary

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  17. Love how you defined the differences between condemnation and conviction. Hopefully next time I can be much quicker in identifying where it is coming from.

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    1. Thanks Suzanne! Being able to determine the difference between the lie of condemnation and life-giving conviction is certainly life-changing and freeing!
      I'm so glad you came by!
      Blessings to you ~ Mary

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