When Flip-Flops Meet Shame

It was time for this excited, flip-flop clad little girl to jump out of the old black station wagon, dash through the pouring rain and barrel through the front door of my grandparent's house.  Yes!  After an eight hour car ride, my summer vacation could officially begin!  

I was almost to the front door when my older sister elbowed me off the sidewalk. She'd already called 'first-through-the-door' and wasn't about to forfeit her first-dibs status.  That's when IT happened.  One foot remained solidly planted on the rough concrete sidewalk while my other foot was sucked and slurped deep into a seemingly bottomless pit of mud. 

Fortunately my grandmother heard my full-of-fear yell.  She turned around, grabbed my hand, and pulled me from the deep abyss.  First my goo covered calve appeared, then my ankle, and finally my foot was reluctantly released from the brown ooze.  

My bare foot.  A bare foot that once proudly wore a brand new, pink flip-flop.  That's right!  My brand new, pink flip-flop was sitting at the bottom of a pit of mud.  And like any four -year old little girl, who's just lost her favorite, new, pink flip-flop, I began to cry. 

That's when my grandmother became my hero.  She slowly knelt onto the concrete sidewalk, and did the unthinkable.  She bravely reached down, down, down, into the shoe-sucking goo and then slowly began the assent, holding onto my muddy mess of a flip-flop.  Oh, but she wasn't done being heroic.  No, she then took my ooze-covered flip-flop over to the hose and 
sprayed until my brand new, pink flip-flop once again emerged!

Shame can be like that muddy pit.  And I can be so like that flip-flop!  I have a boat-load of repented sin that our Dear Lord has miraculously forgiven and forgotten.  He washes me off; I once again look brand-new and pink and then I plunge right back into the mire of shame and regret.  Yes, God has already reached down and pulled me out of the mud, forgiven my repented sin, but sometimes I jump right back in to that pit of shame... And remember.

"Shame says because I am flawed I am unacceptable."

Shame wants me to remember:

Things I wish I had done differently when raising our children.

Words I wish I had never spoken to my husband.

Words left unsaid to my dad, who's now with our Abba Father.

Unkind thoughts I've had about people.

Most things I can easily let go of, but there are some things that are just harder...

"Grace says that though I am flawed I am cherished."

Notes to Mary {And perhaps to you too}:

Do NOT diminish the beautiful gift of grace by holding on to repented sin.  

As long as we feel shame and guilt over repented sin, we allow satan to indict us. 

Remember that holding on to shame and regret is self-centered and self-serving = sin.

Take those thoughts captive.

Replace them with life-giving thoughts and words.

Pray and ask our Abba Father for His grace-filled help.

Determine, with His help, to remain a mud-free, brand-new, pink flip-flop!  

Shame free; full of grace!

Do you ever jump back into the 

muddy pit of shame, guilt and regret?

How do you combat those memories?

I'd love to hear your thoughts.

Leave a comment! 

Living in His grace,

  Mary  

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I Got Caught Cheating!

It was a dark day when Mrs. Esterline, my third grade teacher, caught me cheating on a math test.  She had created a six week ‘Indy 500’ math race where each week we would take a test, pass it to the person in front of us, and grade each others  paper.   Our race car moved ahead based on our score.

Well, let’s just say that math was not my best subject. However, Kevin, the little boy who sat behind me, was nauseatingly good in math.  Week after week he raced ahead of the others, coming increasingly close to the finish line...while week after week it became painfully obvious that I was perilously close to taking the dreaded last place. I hated that race!

Sooo, one test day I decided to take matters into my own hands (literally).  With sweaty palms and a racing heart,  I very carefully and nervously took my #2 pencil in hand and changed his ‘fives’ and ‘sevens’ to ‘eights’. (Nothing obvious about that!)    

For two long days I lived with almost unendurable guilt.  My tummy hurt and I 
couldn’t sleep.  By my third ‘life of crime’ day, I was preparing to walk up to Mrs. Esterline’s huge desk and confess my deep, dark, ugly secret, when the door opened and our very old, very tall,  very scary principal entered the room!    He looked right at me, and said, “Mary, Mrs. Esterline would like to talk with you out in the hall.” 

And so, with head down, I made the long journey past the curious stares, to the hallway with a quivering heart and shaking legs.  The first thing I noticed was that Mrs. Esterline wasn’t her usual towering self; she was sitting on the floor.  She motioned for me to sit down beside her, and then she gently, lovingly placed her arm around me and drew me close. 

I remember soaking her blouse with tears.  I remember hiccupping a heart-felt confession of my terrible crime.  I remember telling her how sorry I was and how much I hated myself for what I had done.  I remember her soft words of forgiveness. Yes, she actually said “I forgive you”... never before heard words.  I remember her saying that I’d have to apologize and ask Kevin for his forgiveness.  She then lovingly told me of the consequences, and I remember feeling relieved that I would have to stay in from recess for an entire week...  it didn’t seem punishment enough.

Mrs. Esterline recognized that I had a tender heart.  She recognized that I was sincerely sorry.  She forgave me...  And then she treated me as though she forgave me!  That day Mrs. Esterline became my hero. 

Looking back, I can see that Christ used a third grade teacher to present Himself to me.  How extraordinarily loving He was to see a pudgy  little girl who needed to experience forgiveness...really experience forgiveness and lavish His grace upon her.  Isn't that just like Him?!

Who has God used to influence and touch your life?  We each have a sphere of influence.   Whose life are you influencing and touching?  Let's be intentional about our influence and allow Jesus to pour out His grace to others...through us!

So thankful, 
Mary