Confessions of an Insecure Woman

I used to love walking our boys down to the end of our block to a mammoth, metal, spider-jungle-gym, a lethal merry-go-round, six swings of different heights, four wooden benches, and a large field.   Bug Park...  The delight of two boys and a lonely mom.

When we first moved into our home, I had no idea how God would use that park to ... change me.  Yes, it provided hours, days, weeks, and years of fun, scrapes, brother-fights, baseball practice, grass stains, and frisbee throwing for the boys.

But me?  What it held for me was an interesting, sometimes ugly, sometimes revelatory journey into ‘finding myself’.

When we moved here, we’d lived in three states in three years and I was hungry for friendship.  So you can imagine my delight when I found other moms unloading their mini-vans at Bug Park.  I became the unofficial self-appointed park greeter.  OK, I'm very a little embarrassed to admit this; I’d approach each mom and graciously welcome her to my the park. {Sheesh, Mary!}

I found so many other lonely moms yearning for just a few minutes of adult-speak.  Of course, our conversations were primarily about our kids!  Most of the time those were fun conversations, but sometimes... not.  The ‘not’ times were when insecurity would rear its ugly, green head. 

{I hated that feeling!}

It’s funny how God can use a park full of women 

to shine a beacon of light on a boatload of insecurity.

I honestly didn’t realize I had this particular brand of insecurity until a group of moms began to talk as if being a mama was an ‘interim’ kind of thing.  The “I’m really a CEO, and I’m just taking a year off before I get back to my ‘real’ job. And, what do you do?” mom.  And the “Thank God I get to go back to the office in two more weeks.  And what did you say you do for a living?” mom.

 
That's when self-doubt would flood me with feelings of 'not-good-enough'.  Instead of being secure and fine with where God had me, {an at-home-Bug-Park-mom} I’d find myself saying something like, “My degree was in criminal law, but I’m just waiting a little while before going back to work.” {Knowing full-well that I’d planned to be home for more than ‘just a little while'.}

Yep, I felt like I needed to tell them that this was my temporary job and ‘my Prada was at home’.  In other words, I was embarrassed by what God had called me to, and felt I needed to dress it up to be something ‘better’. {Like a Prada!}

I began to dread our trips to the park and would be relieved when our play-dates were rained out.  I found that I didn’t like the Prada me at all!  And that’s when I realized that our Abba Father was revealing a wonderful truth...  

Nothing trumps what 

He’s called us to.

If you know He's told 

you to do something...

Graciously live it-

      to bring glory to His name!

           

"Trust in the LORD, with all your heart, and do not lean on your own understanding.

In all your ways acknowledge Him, And He will make your paths straight."

Proverbs 3:5-6

I’d like to say this LOUD AND CLEAR ...

If:

He’s called you to be a teacher/mom... Awesome!

He’s called you to be a doctor/mom... Wonderful!
He's called you to not be a mom... Great!

He’s called you to be a cashier/mom... Fabulous!

He’s called you to be a Bug-Park mom... Tremendous!
He's called you to be a blogging/mom... Super! 

He’s given you a vision for an awesome ministry 
that hasn’t yet taken shape... Amazing!

He’s placed it upon your heart to write a book... Excellent!

He’s provided you with a position at WalMart... Terrific!

He's called you to be a single woman... Marvelous!
Just be sure to seek His will for your life!
And then live it with excellence for His glory!

There’s absolutely no shame in where God has you... 

As long as you’re in the wonderful circle of His will.   

There’s no embarrassment there!    

You don’t have to try to be a Prada if you’re a canvas bag. 

I encourage you to pray about where God 

wants you and what He wants of you...

And then, be content and allow Him 

to work His character in you... 

For His glory.

"But if any of you lacks wisdom, let Him ask of God, who gives

to all men generously and without reproach, and it will be given to him.

James 1:5

"May the God of peace... equip you with everything good for doing His will,

and may He work in us what is pleasing to Him, through Jesus Christ, 

to whom be glory for ever and ever. Amen."

Hebrews 13:20-21 

Have you ever tried to 'dress up' who you are or what God has you doing?

Have you ever felt 'less than' or embarrassed about your looks, 

your spouse, your kids, your car, your home, your job, your life?

How did you get past it?

Are you in the middle of it now? 

I'd love to hear your thoughts!

Leave a comment!

I must confess... 

If someone gave me a Prada bag, 

I'd graciously where it with a smile! :)
{OK, I'd wear it for a little while and then 
I'd sell it... after I wore it for just a little while!} :) 

Living in His grace,

  Mary  

Pictures  1a ,2, 3

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